These great map jokes are courtesy of (About.com) Douglas Caldwell, smcdrc@erols.com
Q: Why did the innocent map go to jail?
A: It was framed by the neatline.
Q: What projection do lost sheep use to find their way home?
A: The Lamb-ert Conic Conformal projection.
Q: Why don't cartography librarians wear high heels?
A: They prefer map flats.
Q: What is the difference between a tub full of freezing water and a depth contour?
A: One is an icy bath and the other is an isobath.
Q: How do maps comb their hair?
A: They use a geographic brush.
Q: Why is the Jenks classification system like an orthopedic surgeon?
A: They both deal with natural breaks.
Q: Why didn't the marginalia go to the dance?
A: It didn't have a date.
Q: Why was the globe rated "R"?
A: Because of its gore. (In earlier times, a map that was pasted on the globe consisted of a number of tapered strips, called gores.)
Q: What is the difference between a black tie dinner for prisoners and a projection showing true shape?
A: One is a con formal and the other is conformal.
Q: What kind of contours can see in the dark?
A: Illuminated contours.
Q: How do maps get around London?
A: They take the map tube.
Q: How do you clean a nautical chart?
A: You give it an iso-bath (isobath).
Q: Why did the cartographer put the projection in a hangar?
A: It was a plane projection.
Q: What map element plays in the band?
A: The symbols (cymbals).
Q: Did you hear about the map that was mugged?
A: It was rolled by the map librarian.
Q: What is a nautical chart's best pitch?
A: The depth curve.
Q: Why was the map twitching?
A: It had a nervous tic.
Q: Why did the map crash?
A: It lost its control.
Q: What projection do birds use to track their migration?
A: A robins-son (Robinson) projection.
Q: What kind of map plays CD's?
A: A stereo map.
Q: Why is a lifeguard like a polar stereographic projection?
A: The lifeguard is a tan gent and the polar stereographic projection is tangent.
Q: What kind of sunglasses do physical relief maps wear?
A: Hypsometric tints.
Q: Why couldn't Mark McGwire reach first after hitting his 62nd home run?
A: He didn't have a base map.
Q: What do you call a map of outhouses in the woods?
A: A shaded relief map.
Q: How can you tell if a map was made by a troll?
A: It is in the gnome-onic (gnomonic) projection.
Q: What kind of maps do spiders make?
A: Web-based maps.
Q: What do you call the queue of foreign couples outside the Hard Rock Cafe?
A: The international date line.
Q: Why didn't the map projection finish his speech?
A: He was interrupted.
Q: A Mercator, Lambert Conformal, and Homolosine projection met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. Only the Homolsine Projection went on to heaven. Why?
A: It was the only Good(e) projection.
Q: Why do soldiers study their maps at stop lights?
A: Because their maps are red-light readable.
Q: What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?
A: A con-tour map.
Q: Why didn't the map have any meridians?
A: It was a map of a parallel universe.
Q: What is the tidiest element on a map?
A: The neatline.
Q: Why did the cartographer put a band-aid on the map?
A: Because it had a bleeding edge.
Q: What do John Wayne and a map key have in common?
A: Both are legends.
Q: Why was longitude boiling mad?
A: Because it was 360 degrees.
Q: Why was the map gesturing wildly?
A: It was an animated map.
Q: Why are maps like fish?
A: Both have scales.
Q: Where to lines of equal pressure go to relax?
A: In ISO - bars (In Search Of isobars)
Q: Why do senior military officials like small scale maps?
A: Because they have been GENERAL-ized.
Q: What projection is used to map the distribution of chocolate lovers?
A: The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection.
Q: What is smarter, longitude or latitude?
A: Longitude, because it has 360 degrees
Q: What do you call a map showing the heights of leafy-stemmed perennial herbs measured in centimeters?
A: A daisy metric map
Q: Why do paper maps never win at poker?
A: Because they always fold.
Q: What kind of projection do 3 out of 4 ear, nose, and throat specialists prefer?
A: A sinus-oidal map projection.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cowboy with a mapmaker?
A: A cow-tographer.
Q: Why didn't true north date magnetic north?
A: She didn't like his bearing.
Q: Why does west longitude need to be cheered up?
A: Because it is always negative.
Q: What do a row of Bacardi bottles and a loxodrome have in common?
A: Both are rum (rhumb) lines.
Q: Why did the equator win the MVP (most valuable parallel) award at the Latitude Super Bowl?
A: Because it was a great circle.
Q: What did the mapmaker send his sweetheart on Valentine's Day?
A: A dozen compass roses.
Q: Why did the dot go to college?
A: Because it wanted to be a graduated symbol.
Q: Why weren't there any parallels on the map?
A: Because the cartographer didn't have any latitude in his map design.
Q: What do you call a USGS quadrangle with green water, blue forests, and all the names spelled backwards?
A: A topo-illogical map.
Q: Why did the innocent map go to jail?
A: It was framed by the neatline.
Q: What projection do lost sheep use to find their way home?
A: The Lamb-ert Conic Conformal projection.
Q: Why don't cartography librarians wear high heels?
A: They prefer map flats.
Q: What is the difference between a tub full of freezing water and a depth contour?
A: One is an icy bath and the other is an isobath.
Q: How do maps comb their hair?
A: They use a geographic brush.
Q: Why is the Jenks classification system like an orthopedic surgeon?
A: They both deal with natural breaks.
Q: Why didn't the marginalia go to the dance?
A: It didn't have a date.
Q: Why was the globe rated "R"?
A: Because of its gore. (In earlier times, a map that was pasted on the globe consisted of a number of tapered strips, called gores.)
Q: What is the difference between a black tie dinner for prisoners and a projection showing true shape?
A: One is a con formal and the other is conformal.
Q: What kind of contours can see in the dark?
A: Illuminated contours.
Q: How do maps get around London?
A: They take the map tube.
Q: How do you clean a nautical chart?
A: You give it an iso-bath (isobath).
Q: Why did the cartographer put the projection in a hangar?
A: It was a plane projection.
Q: What map element plays in the band?
A: The symbols (cymbals).
Q: Did you hear about the map that was mugged?
A: It was rolled by the map librarian.
Q: What is a nautical chart's best pitch?
A: The depth curve.
Q: Why was the map twitching?
A: It had a nervous tic.
Q: Why did the map crash?
A: It lost its control.
Q: What projection do birds use to track their migration?
A: A robins-son (Robinson) projection.
Q: What kind of map plays CD's?
A: A stereo map.
Q: Why is a lifeguard like a polar stereographic projection?
A: The lifeguard is a tan gent and the polar stereographic projection is tangent.
Q: What kind of sunglasses do physical relief maps wear?
A: Hypsometric tints.
Q: Why couldn't Mark McGwire reach first after hitting his 62nd home run?
A: He didn't have a base map.
Q: What do you call a map of outhouses in the woods?
A: A shaded relief map.
Q: How can you tell if a map was made by a troll?
A: It is in the gnome-onic (gnomonic) projection.
Q: What kind of maps do spiders make?
A: Web-based maps.
Q: What do you call the queue of foreign couples outside the Hard Rock Cafe?
A: The international date line.
Q: Why didn't the map projection finish his speech?
A: He was interrupted.
Q: A Mercator, Lambert Conformal, and Homolosine projection met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. Only the Homolsine Projection went on to heaven. Why?
A: It was the only Good(e) projection.
Q: Why do soldiers study their maps at stop lights?
A: Because their maps are red-light readable.
Q: What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?
A: A con-tour map.
Q: Why didn't the map have any meridians?
A: It was a map of a parallel universe.
Q: What is the tidiest element on a map?
A: The neatline.
Q: Why did the cartographer put a band-aid on the map?
A: Because it had a bleeding edge.
Q: What do John Wayne and a map key have in common?
A: Both are legends.
Q: Why was longitude boiling mad?
A: Because it was 360 degrees.
Q: Why was the map gesturing wildly?
A: It was an animated map.
Q: Why are maps like fish?
A: Both have scales.
Q: Where to lines of equal pressure go to relax?
A: In ISO - bars (In Search Of isobars)
Q: Why do senior military officials like small scale maps?
A: Because they have been GENERAL-ized.
Q: What projection is used to map the distribution of chocolate lovers?
A: The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection.
Q: What is smarter, longitude or latitude?
A: Longitude, because it has 360 degrees
Q: What do you call a map showing the heights of leafy-stemmed perennial herbs measured in centimeters?
A: A daisy metric map
Q: Why do paper maps never win at poker?
A: Because they always fold.
Q: What kind of projection do 3 out of 4 ear, nose, and throat specialists prefer?
A: A sinus-oidal map projection.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cowboy with a mapmaker?
A: A cow-tographer.
Q: Why didn't true north date magnetic north?
A: She didn't like his bearing.
Q: Why does west longitude need to be cheered up?
A: Because it is always negative.
Q: What do a row of Bacardi bottles and a loxodrome have in common?
A: Both are rum (rhumb) lines.
Q: Why did the equator win the MVP (most valuable parallel) award at the Latitude Super Bowl?
A: Because it was a great circle.
Q: What did the mapmaker send his sweetheart on Valentine's Day?
A: A dozen compass roses.
Q: Why did the dot go to college?
A: Because it wanted to be a graduated symbol.
Q: Why weren't there any parallels on the map?
A: Because the cartographer didn't have any latitude in his map design.
Q: What do you call a USGS quadrangle with green water, blue forests, and all the names spelled backwards?
A: A topo-illogical map.