You Know You're a Redneck if...

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• You think the Nutcracker is something you use on walnuts.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
• You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
• You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
• Your spouse can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
• You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
• Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
• You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
• You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
• You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
• Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. (van)
• You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
• You can spit without opening your mouth.
• You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
• You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
• The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
• Your working TV sits on top of your non working TV.
• You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
• You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.(many times)
• Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
• A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
• You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
• You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
• You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
• Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

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