November, 2002 Issue 2-11

Courtesy of: O. Schmidt, Publisher and Editor.
See this newsletter at
www.DiscoverTeenergy.com

Contributions to this newsletter will be published.
Become famous. Write to
giftrap@hotmail.com

Remember those who have prepared the way,
for you to live your life as you do today.

________________________________________________________________

Check our special features this month: November, Issue 2 - 11

Don't forget our regular monthly features:

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Feature Article 1

Exciting Reseach in Universities

(from U. of Toronto magazine)

Humans have an insatiable curiosity about the universe. From the study of the infinitesimally small to the immensity of the outer limits, we have a burning desire to find out where we came from, what makes us tick and where we are headed. Here are some amazing people at the University of Toronto with amazing ideas that they are working on. Get inspired. (some of these might be good ideas for science fair projects)

Chemistry professor Molly Shoichet – finding a cure for the paralysis caused by spinal cord injuries through tissue engineering.

Chemistry Researcher Ian Manners – developing flexible polymers out of unconventional materials such as iron or boron. They could change shape under stimulus of light or electric current.

Chemistry researcher Daniel Lidar – developing a quantum super computer that will outperform anything in existence.

Medical researcher Josef Penninger – understanding the mysteries of the human gene that is involved in dreaming.

Brain science researcher Shitij Kapur – studying the chemical aspects of brain diseases and treatments for them.

Physics and chemistry researcher Ted Sargent – building an optical network that could make lasar light drive future computer microchips.

Medical researcher Stephen Scherer – understanding the interaction of nature and nurture through the study of genetics.

Geophysicist Jerry Mitrovica – proving his theory of the "four-piston model" of the Earth’s interior motions. Plate tectonics is not a complete answer. The idea is that four vast columns of rock are slowly moving two up and two down like pistons below the crust.

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Feature Article 2

Back Packs are a Backache

(muse-ings O.S.)

Watching students carry backpacks makes me cringe sometimes. Back (no pun intended) about 40-50 years ago, students used to carry one or two books and writing materials in a binder, in their hands, or on their side. Nowadays students carry almost everything they own on their backs all day. Here are some of the problems:

  • studies show that the average backpack weighs about 16 pounds. Texts are heavier and there are many extras carried along for the ride needlessly.
  • extra weight on shoulders, neck and back for most of the day can bring about long-term back and muscle problems.
  • backpacks take up almost the same amount of space that a student would. This means that there are almost double the number of "students" in a school.
  • Bags plopped beside desks make for dangerous obstacles in emergencies or for students leaving the room during a class.
  • Backpacks on busses take up valuable space and some students plop them in empty spots beside them. Others cannot sit down.

Possible solutions:

  • carry subject materials for only a class or two at a time.
  • clean out your backpack and carry only essentials to reduce weight.
  • leave unnecessary books at home or in your locker.
  • perhaps buy second used copies of your textbooks and then you won’t have to carry them back and forth to school. Keep a set at home and one at school. This could be a great opportunity for a young entrepreneur.
  • try to get a school policy initiated which will allow students a few extra minutes between certain classes to get a change of books.
  • encourage teachers to order smaller textbooks.
  • make your student council aware of the issue and try to get them to develop timetable changes to help solve the problem.

Backpacks compromise health and safety. What other job do you know of where somebody has to drag along all their work on their back all day? Why should students have to suffer? Do something about it!

All About Backpack Safety: http://www.cbc.ca/consumers/market/files/health/backpacks/

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This Month’s Activities and Events

Ontario Student Conference on Human Rights. If you are interested, there may still be spots for you in this leadership training opportunity. www.beavercanuck.com

Cinematheque Ontario. Between now and the first week of December, you can go to a lot of special movie presentations at the Art Gallery of Ontario. Call: 416-968-FILM, Website to visit: www.bell.ca/filmfest

DrivaAbility, one of Canada’s most respected advocates of upgrading driving skillls will offer winter-driving clinics in Toronto. Each half-day clinic offers 30 min. of classroom instruction and 3 ˝ hours of in-car training. Learn: emergency braking, vision skills, collision-avoidance procedures, more. (This would be good for parents as well. Cost is approx. $200 plus GST. Limit: 24 students per session. Call: 613-849-1976 or e-mail juskiddn@kos.net

Storytellers School of Toronto holds special storytelling sessions throughout the month. Contact them at: www.storytellingtoronto.org or call 416-656-2445

Contest: Ontario Junior Citizen of the Year Awards. Nominate somebody you think has contributed greatly to your community. Contact the North York Mirror at nym@mirror-guardian.com for details. DEADLINE: November 30th.

Christmas Gift Show. This is usually a big one at the International Centre, Toronto, to be held in early December. If you might want to be an exhibitor contact 416-213-1035.

Got stuff to buy and sell? Go hunt for stuff you need or create your free ads and put them in the Toronto/GTA Buy & Sell Magazine and/or on their internet site. Be careful. Read carefully so you don’t have to pay. This should all be free. Do not pay. Instructions are very easy. Go to: www.buysellzone.com

Encounters with Canada has lots of openings for students in Ontario. For $290 you can spend a week in Ottawa and attend a fabulous course in many interesting areas. See my bulletin board for details. Ontario students will be almost guaranteed their first choices. http://www.encounters-rencontres.ca

Contest: Art of the Automobile Competition

Canadian Aboriginal Festival

Centennial College Health Fair

Contest: Mathieu Da Costa Awards Program

Vanier Cup (university football championship)

Winter Festival of Lights in Niagara Falls (concerts on weekends)

Contest: Young Canadian Women Writers Festival

Contest: Youth-Only Wood Art Competition

African Drums & Art Crafts (visit anytime)

Air Cadets (always looking for new members)

Amnesty International (care enough to get involved)

Auction Sales (check papers)

Bancroft Mineral Collecting (check if available late into Fall)

Beach Blast Indoor Volleyball Centre (birthday party place?)

Black Film & Video Network (specialized cultural activity)

Bloor Cinema (cheap night out with friends, see oldies but goodies movies)

Canadian Authors Association (visit to find out more about writing and getting published)

Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine (find out about alternative health care)

Canadian Football Hall of Fame in Hamilton

Canadian Ski Federation (join a club?)

Canadian Snowboard Federation (lessons?)

CBC Museum (visit for an interesting history of broadcasting)

Hockey Hall of Fame (history?)

Holocaust Education and Memorial Centre (on Bathurst just north of Sheppard)

In 2 Print (magazine for kids to contribute to as journalists)

Junior Achievement of Canada (become an entrepreneur and set up a business with other students. Any age.)

Kitchener Farmers Market (wonderful visit, see the Mennonites)

Model Railroad Club of Toronto (huge layout of trains and scenes)

Mousetrap, The Play (longest running play in Toronto history)

North York Harvest Food Bank (help out)

Ontario Archaeological Society (interested?)

Personal Computing Club of Toronto (designed for family participation)

Readers Digest (submit jokes, stories, etc. and get paid)

Royal Astronomical Society (see the real stars)

Royal Canadian Institute (RCI Kids) (for interests in science)

Royal Ontario Museum (Remember: FREE FRIDAY NIGHTS!!)

Studio Audience Participation Listings (sit in on the taping of some of your favourite shows. Take your family and friends. Usually free)

Toronto Bonsai Society
(miniature trees – some 50-100 yrs. Old, how to nurture them)

Toronto Camera Club ( smile!)

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What Gifted Teenagers Are Doing

Cristina Castellvi, first year U. of Toronto, former LAT gifted program member, was awarded 2 scholarships: the Aiming for the Top Tuition Scholarship and the prestigious Robert J. and Mary (Ware) Birgeneau Scholarship. The latter is an admission scholarship coming from the president of the University of Toronto and his wife. Cristina is on full scholarship this year. Congratulations! It pays to be smart. (see Scholarships in "Colleges/Universities" on the DT Homepage)

Olivia Murnaghan, Loretto Abbey Gifted Program is applying to Shad Valley Leadership Training Camp held over the summer in several Canadian universities across the country. See details at http://www.shad.ca

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So, You Vant to Visit Vebsites

Africa Live Camera (see wildlife in real time)
http://www.africam.com

Atari Website (developer of first video games)
http://www.centralcoastbc.com/harley/atari

Attacks: What to do/say when somebody disses you (weird, have a look)
http://www.taxi1010.com/sunporch.htm

Canadian Football League Website
http://www.CFL.ca

Fireworks!! (FUN! design your own display onscreen!)
http://www.maylin.net/Fireworks.html

Ikea Guess the Product Game (hey, anything for laughs!)
http://www.iamcal.com/games/ikea

Internet Book Club that encourages people to leave books at coffee shops, parks, etc.. Register online and follow your books to find out who reads them and where they go.
http://www.bookcrossing.com

John Mayer’s Room for Squares (strange)
http://www.johnmayer.com

Labrador Virtual Canoe Journey
http://www.canoe.ca/labrador2001

League of Canadian Poets (contests and submissions)
http://www.youngpoets.ca

Picture Frame for Digital Pictures (surprise! Really cool idea!)
http://www.pacificdigital.com

Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers (a singer)(interesting)
http://www.MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com

Messiah Mountie: Children’s Evangelist (funny)
http://eli.elilabs.com/upc/CAN/Ontario/StCatharines/sbarber/

Murder Mystery Serialized Story
http://www.canoe.ca/Lifewise/

Rock-Paper-Scissors Official World Website (different!)
http://www.worldrps.com

So You Wanna…What? (learn about thousands of things you want to do but didn’t know how)
http://www.soyouwanna.com

Stick Men Martial Arts (yup, stick men. Gotta see it!)
http://www.hackernetwork.bla-bla.com/flash/sticka.swf

Music, Video, TV Shows Download Sites
http://www.kazaa.com
http://www.limewire.com

Web hosting at No Cost to You (design your website and park it here for free)
http://www.freewebspace.com
http://www.tripod.com
http://www.free.20m.com
http://www.tripod.lycos.com
http://www.angelfire.com
http://www.cybercities.com
http://www.freeservers.com

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News, Views and Muse-ings

Interesting Career: Professional Pooper Scooper
(think this isn’t serious? Read on!)

In Toronto there are several companies specializing in cleaning up doggy doo in yards. Poop-scooping companies are being regarded as responses to city people who are in conflict with providing for their animals and having great landscaped yards too.

The service providers use a variety of specialized scoops and are busiest in the spring when yards become exposed after several months of doggy doing his/her business in the snow. Owners are not lazy; they just don’t have the time to clean up so instead they hire somebody to do it for them.

In one case, the owner of a dog-training business made more doing this and it is now his major source of income. Get used to the look, feel and smell, and it could become a very lucrative business.

How much do they make? How about $25 per half hour. Hourly and long-term rates vary.

Check out these actual companies:

Super Scoopers: 416-759-0702, http://www.wescoop.com
Poop-Patrol: 416-410-7667,
http://www.poop-patrol.com
What’s Left Behind: 519-352-6990,
http://www.whatsleftbehind.com

Interesting Career: Skilled Trades

There are a lot of young people who want to be doctors, lawyers, etc. These are generally considered to be "white collar" jobs. These jobs are noble and worthy but take a glance at another sector of the job market that should get more attention – skilled trades. These are considered "blue collar" jobs but are moving on up the scale of acceptability and prestige.

It is estimated that about 60% of all new jobs in the next years will be in skilled trades. Consider getting into any of the following: mason/bricklayer, electrician, plumber, carpenter, fine furniture maker, tool & die maker, technological designer, auto mechanic, electronic repair, TV repair, computer repair, locksmithing, and many more.

These jobs may not be as glamorous as you think you deserve but there are some positives about them. They pay extremely well in most cases. To earn $40-80 thousand a year in many of them is not uncommon. They often require good problem-solving skills and can be very challenging. To see a finished product (house, cabinet) on exhibition for all to see can be a great reward too.

One of the best ways of finding out if you might like a job like this is to do a co-op placement with a related company. As well, on "Take Our Kids to Work" day, you might be able to arrange a visit.

Finding a career or job for life is very difficult. Don’t overlook some options that may not be as high-profile as you would like but offer just as many rewards and satisfaction.

Skilled Trades: http://www.skilledtrades.ca/
Canadian Auto Workers Skilled Trades:
http://www.caw.ca/whatwedo/skilledtrades/index.asp

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For Your Reading Pleasure

Farley: The Life of Farley Mowat by James King. Life of a detailed and fascinating legend in Canadian environmental history.

People of the Deer and The Desperate People by Farley Mowat. Stories of the north and survival of the people there.

The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be by Farley Mowat. Wonderfully comic book. You will die laughing at some parts.

Wonderland by John Brady. Police thriller with a troubled Dublin police inspector, Matt Minogue. This is part of a series of books with this character.

Creation by Katerine Govier. This is the story of the world famous artist John James Audubon who wanted to paint every bird in North America.

Whispers and Lies by Joy Fielding. Fielding writes about ordinary people swept into life-altering events. A new friend, who works with a nurse at a Florida nursing home, has a dark side.
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Fan Attacks
(from the Toronto Star)

Sports are supposed to be fun and only a game. There are, however, some people who take things way to seriously. These are some of the most amazing fan attacks ever recorded:

June 4, 1974, Cleveland Stadium – beer is sold for 10 cents as a promotion. In the 9th inning, thousands of fans jump into the field and attack players and umpires.

April 30, 1993, Hamburg, Germany – A deranged tennis fan stabs player Monica Seles in the back with a kitchen knife. She was ranked No. 1 in the word and had to stop playing for 28 months.

June 20, 1999, Hong Kong – three Malaysian soccer players are injured when attached by fans.

May 16, 2000, Chicago’s Wrigley Field – A LA Dodger backup catcher in the bullpen was hit in the head and the fan steals his cap. The catcher and several other players go into the stands and a mob scene erupts. Sixteen Dodgers and three coaches are suspended.

August 10, 2002, South Africa – A fan attacked a referee during a rugby match. The referee suffered a dislocated shoulder. The fan is convicted and was given a lifetime ban from any future matches.

September 16, 2002, Birmingham, England – A fan slaps a goalkeeper in the face for letting in a soft goal.

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Want an Exciting New Car-Related Hobby?

(regular article by Sandra Tipei, Loretto Abbey C.S.S. gifted program student)

So you're bored and you want something a bit unusual to do related to cars? Or maybe you just like cars such as Rolls-Royces or Cadillacs but can't afford the price? The solution? Purchase a scaled down radio-controlled version of your dream car!

No, I'm not talking about the plastic Tyco R/C cars you had when you were seven years old. I'm talking about the newest trend in the automotive enthusiast lifestyle. It is now possible to purchase smaller and cheaper versions of many popular regular and dream cars. There are even clubs established around this unusual fast-growing hobby.

If you're a creative person, you can buy a semi-finished R/C car that comes with a layer of primer. You are then free to decorate it however you wish. Or if you are more into the technical aspect of the automotive world, you can buy a R/C car that comes with a more complicated gas engine. Whatever your taste or interests in cars there's a R/C car out there just right for you! So this isn't as exciting as owning the real thing, but it comes pretty close! It also saves you the megabucks some of them cost. So have your cake and eat it too…I mean have your car (any car!) and drive it too.

If you're interested in this hobby take a look at these sites:
www.zipzaps.com
www.thercproshop.com
www.nitrorc.com
www.towerhobbies.com/rcweb.html

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Morbid Mini Monuments Mark Misery
(from an article by Cindy Chang in the Toronto Star)

Here is an unusual idea for a gift for the person who is REALLY hard to buy for. The head of a small design company got the inspiration to market miniature models of places where there have been major disasters. He got the idea while watching news about the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. He claims he is sort of providing an alternative history of architecture.

Most architectural models reflect important monuments and buildings of importance throughout the world. These would honor places of tragic events instead.

The models are very small, only a few centimetres high and sell for $95US. If you are interested, the following are available: Chernobyl nuclear reactor, Texas School Book Depository (from which John F. Kennedy was supposedly shot), Watergate Hotel (President Richard Nixon’s big problem), the Unabomber’s Montana cabin, Three Mile Island nuclear plant, O.J. Simpson’s Ford Bronco, and of course the World Trade Center and Pentagon.

After September 11th, orders just poured in for guess which two of the above, in particular.

Boym Partners (very creatively designed site!!) http://www.boym.com/
The Actual Monuments
http://www.boym.com/theend/page_02_mm_11.html

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Tidbits of Trivia

  • the Japanese have invented something for the clothing challenged. An electronic device can be put into your closet and connected to outside. It will read the temperature and then advise you on the clothes to wear.
  • The USA military budget is larger than those of the next 15 countries combined.
  • The US does about 80% of the world’s military research to figure out how to fight war in ways that are unimaginable to most people.
  • Did you know a strange attractor is an equation or fractal set representing a complex pattern of behaviour in a chaotic system.
  • A massive study of global violence shows that about 1.6 million people die violently each year, which is about 3% of all deaths. Half are suicides.
  • If you miss your pet when you vacation, go to Hong Kong where you can rent a pet for about $125-$250 per week.
  • In Alexandria, Egypt, nearly half of all female murder victims are women who have been raped and who are then killed by family members as an act of "cleansing."
  • About 20% of all violent deaths are caused by wars.
  • There are about 60 million cats in the USA.
  • The highest rate of suicide is in eastern Europe. Latin America has the lowest rates.
  • Nooks & Crannies: A nook is a corner and a crannie is a crack.

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Like Why it’s Like OK to say "Like"

(from an article by Eils Lotozo in the Toronto Star)

A Temple University linguistics professor has published the Journal of Semantics in which she studied the mysteries of "like." It may be considered bimbo-speak, inarticulateness, conversation filler but she seems to think it’s ok to say "like." She set out to prove that the word is a "discourse particle" like "oh" or "ah" or "um."

Some interesting findings:

  • the longer you think about the question, the fewer the "likes"
  • Girls use it more than boys
  • "like" can be a way to connect with a group
  • it is used mostly to seem informal and be close to people
  • it may be used when the right words are not quite thought out
  • "like" can be a substitute for "said" e.g. She was, like, I’m not going.

Language always changes. Words are added and dropped from the vocabulary of society and this is one of those words. Like, the end, ok.

Journal of Semantics http://www.journal-of-semantics.org/

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Going Up, WAY UP!!

(from an article by Dan Rowe in the National Post)

Science fiction often leads to science reality. In the 1960’s, a Russian journal made mention of the concept of a space elevator. What appeared to be fiction then has been determined to be a real possibility within 15 years.

Project HighLift has been given a US grant for research into an actual elevator that would go into outer space, at least as far as the space shuttle goes now. If it works companies, universities, and almost any nation could have their own space programs!

A 100,000 km ribbon made of a carbon nanotube composite which is stronger than steel and highly conductive would be the main element in the elevator. When in place, it is expected that about 5 tonnes of cargo could be lifted during each of about 250 days. The space shuttle can carry about 20 tonnes but only 6 times a year. It could also be used as a slingshot to send flights to Mars, Venus or asteroids.

Here is how it would work. One end would be attached to the earth and the other would be held in outer space by counter weights held outward by centripetal acceleration which then pulls the ribbon tight and holds it in a single position from near the equator. (like a ball at the end of a string holds a string tight while you spin it around) A climber platform or capsule would be wrapped around the ribbon and electric motors would haul cargo up the ribbon and into outer space at about 200 km/hr. Voila! Easy, isn’t it!

The cost would be about US$10 billion. This is not unreasonable for many corporations and nations. Once in place, the space elevator would cut costs of orbital delivery to about 1/100th the cost of using the shuttle.

Space Elevator http://www.southpole.com/headlines/y2000/ast07sep_1.htm?list

How a Space Elevator Works http://www.howstuffworks.com/space-elevator.htm

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Worst Brides in the World

(from an article in the Toronto Globe & Mail)

Weddings can frazzle people but some folks get really bent out of shape without any help from their friends. Here are some examples of some bad wedding behaviour:

  • As a dozen people sit around, the woman toasts herself and her boyfriend. She announces that they are about to be engaged and that the ring costs $6000.
  • A couple was going to live in Switzerland after being married. On the invitation, the request was made for people to send money to their Swiss bank account instead of buying presents.
  • A woman sent an email to colleagues that said the first 10 people to respond to the email would be invited to her wedding.
  • A bride was planning on very exact and specific instructions for decorating the wedding car. When she found out that a bunch of friends had already done it she chewed them out and accused them of ruining her day.
  • When a bridesmaid had to drop out of the wedding unexpectedly, a young girlish-looking male cousin was asked to wear the bridesmaid dress so that there would be an even number of bridesmaids.
  • A bride was given a wedding shower and received many gifts. She failed to send thank you notes. Wedding invitations were not sent out. A week before the wedding, parents sent out a notice that the groom’s divorce wasn’t final and the marriage would be called off. The gifts were never returned.

Worst Bridesmaid Dresses Contest
http://www.webdesk.com/bridesmaid-dresses/

Bridezilla: When Brides Go BAD! http://www.bookpros.com/Clients/Bridezilla/bridezillahome.htm

Bridezilla Confession Booth (tell your story here): http://www.goingbridal.com/confess/booth.shtml

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Hypnosis Helps in Losing Weight

(based on an article in the North York Mirror)

If someone you know has great difficulty in losing weight, consider hypnosis as a possible help. The Positive Changes Hypnosis Center in North York, Ontario offers a year-long program for about $1800. There are two sessions each week. The course offers moral support, motivation and, of course, hypnosis as the main feature in the controlling of urges.

The sub-conscious controls our habits and desires. Under hypnosis, it is more open to positive behaviour-changing suggestions.

Hypnosis Home Page
http://www.hypnosis.com/

How to Hypnotize a Chicken http://www.almanac.com/preview2000/hypnotize.html

How to Hypnotize Somebody http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to/55_how_to.html

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The Problem of Being Unmarried in Saudi Arabia

(based on an article in the Toronto Star)

Saudi Arabia has an interesting and perplexing problem to solve. According to statistics, a large part of the female population over 40 years of age is still unmarried. That means about 1.5 million Saudi women out of a population of approximately 17 million. With a high unemployment rate (about 20%) and a large percentage of the population under 18, the country is becoming poorer and this is just adding to the difficult situation.

In their culture, a woman is considered in her prime around age 20 when it is most desirable that she marry and have children. This is validation of her as a woman. To be unmarried leads to derision, shame, and ridicule. Pressure to get married comes from family and the religious establishment.

In Saudi Arabia, women are not allowed to drive. Fewer than 7% of women work. They need male guardian permission to travel abroad, get a job and go to school of any kind. So basically, women sit around and wait to be married and have children. If they don’t, they suffer.

Why aren’t these women getting married? There are a number of reasons. An average dowry is $8-$13 thousand US dollars. A wedding party with sometimes 5,000 guests can be very expensive. When men are asked to take on more wives, they usually want younger women (Saudi men are influenced by sexy TV stars and become choosy when it comes to the women they want to live with).

There have been several ways presented to help solve the problem. Men are reminded that they are allowed four wives according to Islamic law. Advertising and newspapers urge women to be content with almost any man. Married women are urged to find other wives for their husbands. A charitable organization has been organized which offers money for dowries, weddings and furniture. The call to Friday prayers includes the message to marry. A way around the expense of the system is having a secret marriage that is not revealed to parents or other wives. Husbands visit these brides in other towns whenever they please.

Quite a different culture, eh?

Saudi Arabia Factbook http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos/sa.html

Saudi Culture & Society http://www.arabbay.com/Arab_Countries/Saudi_Arabia/Culture_&_Society/

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Wise Words of Wisdom

When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not in it. – Bernard Bailey

The man who goes alone can start today, but he who travels with another must wait until that other is ready. – Henry David Thoreau

There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror. – Orson Welles

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you. – Lao Tsu

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid.

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Jokes of the Month

HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE!!

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

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The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocked. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

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Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

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IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS... My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE: I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message, "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stare at the asterisk. * and say the following ten times:

I love reading Gift Rap.

Ta-ta.

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